UINGA Day 3, The Big Guns

Today saw the two arguably superpowers of the UIN address the assembly. Both sides had the full attention of all the other delegations and media.

ROD Address to the U-I-N-G-A

‘One of the nations with an opportunity to address the U-I-N-G-A this afternoon was the
Republic of Dalmatia. The ROD President, Esteban Dito, took to the podium shortly
after lunch. He promised to be brief, he joked about delegates falling asleep after lunch,
and then he got into the substance of his remarks.
“The world is a tough neighborhood. Sometimes just walking down the street to get
some food can be dangerous. Citizens of the world have to contend with wars of
conquest, internal strife, economic turmoil, religious wars, civil wars, piracy, and human
trafficking. And those are just the man-made perils of the world. We also must deal with
extreme weather, earthquakes, mudslides, tsunamis, flooding, and drought.”
President Dito rattled off a bunch of statistics – how many people live with food
insecurity or under threat of violence. Infant mortality rates. Frequency of preventable
disease outbreaks. Other equally cheerful topics by location and body count.
“I am not so naïve as to stand her before you and call for all the imagi-nations of the
world to unite under one flag. But I am hopeful enough, and I believe in mankind
enough, to call on imagi-nations to help one another. Feed the hungry. Vaccinate the
poor. And when necessary, defend your neighbor.”
“That is why I am declaring to you all – the global imagi-nation community – a
commitment by The Republic of Dalmatia to double our SHAM capacity by the end of
the year. We currently have two SHAM units, and by 2027 we will have four. And with
those resources we will pledge to always have at least one SHAM deployed at all
times.”
“This is our neighborhood. We all must pitch in to make it a safer and happier home,
and to see our neighbors thrive. Thank you for your time and attention.” ‘

EE Address to the U-I-N-G-A

‘When it was time for the Eurasian Empire to speak, the Chairman of the Central
Committee strode to the podium with an air about him that can only be described as
agitated. He carried a small binder, but he didn’t seem to be reading from it. Rather the
Chairman appeared to be speaking from the cuff as he waved his arms awkwardly.
“How humorous this body is!” he began angrily. “Ha!” He surveyed the crowd before
continuing. “For days now, I have listened to speeches about change. Speeches about
the world community. I have heard empty promises and platitudes. Year after year we
gather here and pretend to work toward some kind of utopian fantasy world, but all the
while scheming for new conquest at the expense of others!”
“The Republic of Dalmatia…New Canada…The Republic of the Pacific Northwest…”
The chairman spits onto the stage in disgust, as if mentioning the names of these
countries is making him physically sick. “These nations pretend to protect the poor and
uplift the downtrodden. But the world sees through your lies! You deploy your military
forces around the world, exporting your own vile form of oppression. You covet the
resources of poorer countries, and you rob them blind in the name of progress and
protection.”
“The Peace-loving people of the Eurasian Empire will not allow this naked aggression to
go on unchecked! If this international body is unable or unwilling to stop your capitalist
menace…your hunger for colonial lands and resources, then the Eurasian Empire will
step forward and bring peace and security at the tip of the spear!”
The Chairman attempts to remove his shoe to throw it, but his shoelaces knot and he
can’t untie it so instead he bangs his fist on the podium and she shouts something in a
Slavic language that no one seems to understand and he stalks back to his seat.’

The press and media are having a field day, with lots spin and embellishments from all sides of the political spectrum. No doubt the many bars and restaurants around the UIN building will have a busy night tonight as every last word and mannerism comes under editorial scrutiny.